Setting healthy boundaries has been a real challenge for me. This is something I need to focus on as I move into 2025. I feel like my time is often taken for granted by others, and it's reached a point where this simply cannot continue. The effect it has on my health and well-being is significant. It's frustrating to realize how much this affects my daily life and my ability to take care of myself.
As I think about the new year ahead, I realize that I haven't set many specific goals yet. The main thing weighing on my mind is the need to establish boundaries. I want to protect my time and energy better. I know this change is essential for my overall happiness and mental health. I can't let others dictate how I use my time any longer. It's time to make a shift and start prioritizing what truly matters for me.
I sought out some research to help me with this topic. The information and list below comes from the Real Living article that I linked below under Resources.
Signs You Lack Healthy Boundaries
Boundary issues arise in many different situations and various parts of our lives, but it's not unusual for them to fly under our radar until they've clearly been challenged, Manly explains. "In general, boundary issues tend to occur from allowing your own boundaries to be crossed or crossing others' boundaries," Manly adds.
According to Manly, a few of the most common signs that your boundaries need attention include:
- Feeling chronically taken advantage of in certain situations, such as emotionally, financially, or physically.
- Saying "yes" to please others at your own expense.
- Not having your needs met because you tend to fear conflict and give in to others.
- Often feeling disrespected by others but not standing up for yourself.
- Fear of being rejected or abandoned leaves you accepting less than you deserve.
- Engaging in people-pleasing behaviors in order to be liked and to receive approval.
- Engaging in disrespectful behavior that hurts others.
- Flirting with people in relationships or when you are in a relationship, even when it harms others.
- Doing whatever you want to meet your needs and believing that limits don't apply to you.
The biggest take away I see from this article is something that my friends have already told me and that is speaking up and standing up for myself. While we might not know the day or the hour that Jesus will return to us, being expected to plan/provide/prepare meals when I don't know how many people might be available for a given meal has gone on way too long in my household. One of my friends recently told me to stop cooking!
Meal preparation also ties into a very general goal that I have for 2025 and that is to stop eating like garbage. I've tried to cater to what others living in my house like and my health has suffered. Perhaps my friend who told me to stop cooking is on to something where I took food for myself and the others in the house cook for themselves. The mom in me is very uncomfortable with this but no one said that setting boundaries would be easy.
I also need to set boundaries for my time. I am tired of constantly feeling overwhelmed by other people's demands for my time. My employer has a right to set expectations for me but others do not. Outside of work, I want to focus on CrossFit and writing. I asked for a new laptop so I could do more writing not so that it could sit and collect dust while I given wait on others hand and foot.
Aside from achieving goals, I simply need time to rest. As I write this, I feel mentally and physically exhausted although my Fitbit says I slept decent. Aside from being responsible for the house and 4 vehicles (one of which is dead), my cat Patty has been extremely needy. I simply cannot seem to give her enough or the right attention. No joke, I found myself sleeping diagonally to accommodate my cat! I told Patty that I love her but when I come back to bed after getting up to take ibuprofen for a horrid headache, we're making adjustments to our sleeping arrangements. This is something that I do need to learn to deal with as my husband's employer plans to have him travel more in 2025 and, of course, he's not going to cut back on personal travel.
My regular blog readers know that I use YouVersion regularly for my scripture study and prayers but also for many of the images you see in my blogs. A recent daily refresh by Hosana Wong about vines and branches really resonated with me. Grape vines need support as the vines fill with grapes and this support comes through a trellis. Jesus is my trellis. He is the support that I need when I feel weighed down. Vines also need to be trimmed. With Jesus as my trellis, he will help me trim away the excess by setting healthy boundaries.
Setting healthy boundaries is essential for your well-being and happiness. It helps you protect your time and energy while building stronger relationships. Remember, boundaries are not about being rude; they are about respecting yourself and others. As you practice setting these limits, you will notice positive changes in your life and relationships. Start today by identifying one boundary you need to set and take action. Your mental health deserves this attention.
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